"Another year has come and passed.
Quick, you poo stabber! Bring on '11 fast!" [shakes fist at God]
--Maya Angelou
So, another shitty year! Here's a list of crappy shit that happened to me this year. much of which I've already bitched about on this blog:
--Big, scary fire at my mom's house, during which mom awoke on top of a BURNING MATTRESS and was lucky to escape unharmed. Alas, the business that I run out of mom's house wasn't so fortunate.
--My car was broken into twice.
--A third time that my car was broken into, it was stolen by some punk-ass neighborhood kids who tried to extort $$$ out of me before giving the car back. Eventually I wound up stealing the car back from these brainless pieces of shit before the cops informed me that since they were too fucking stupid to figure out how to register the car as "unstolen," it was probable that I would be arrested at gunpoint for DRIVING MY OWN CAR.
--Apartment was robbed; they grabbed my poor roommate's computer, a pile of unused MetroCards which I had accumulated while volunteering last year, and, um, some of my "saucies" in addition to grabbing my car keys, thus leading to the above automobile thievery. Motherfuckers.
--Was informed that if I want to cure my extremely severe case of sleep apnea, I would likely need to undergo a surgical procedure wherein the doctor would basically rip the lower part of my face off, break my jaw, and insert an extension and screws into said jaw before a 7 month healing period characterized by "at times excruciating pain" and "inability to chew [my] own food." Where do I sign up?!
--Got mugged.
--Cliff Lee chose the City of Brotherly Love/inhumanly awful, despicably heartless, projectile vomiting white trash over the Big Apple. God fucking dammit!
--Had over a grand swiped out of my checking account when someone stole my ATM card at my birthday party.
--Perhaps worst of all, no Cheeseburger album this year, despite the fact that they supposedly have one all recorded and ready to go. Seriously, have you heard any of the garbage that kids are listening to these days? Rock and Roll ain't gonna save itself. GET ON THAT SHIT DUDES!
--Friends came, friends went, and still yet another friend set out on an absurdly improbable (yet also absurdly awesome) journey of self-discovery. To those that stuck around, I love you all. To the lousy chickenshit assholes who didn't, please feel free to sit on one of these and rotate.
Well now! List time. Here's the rules and assorted deets.
- This is not an "all the albums I heard in '10 ordered from best to worst" list. No way Jose. These are the cream of the crop from the 90+ new albums I heard this year.
- This list only includes albums and EPs from the calendar year 2010. I can't stress that enough, people. Thus, reissues, singles, and compilations of previously-released/widely available stuff are disqualified.
- No, I didn't accidentally leave the Deerhunter album off the list. The Deerhunter album is, in fact, horrible.
- Oh Don Piano.
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1.) Fang Island - Fang Island -- Ladies and gentlemen, set your serotonin glands to "monsoon!" For those of us jaded bastards unaccustomed to the unconditional, massive outpouring of joy that's found on Fang Island, it may seem at first like there just has to be a catch somewhere. The pixie dust has to wear off at some point, no? I mean, did they spring fully-formed from Rick Nielsen's 5-neck? Did they collectively make a deal with some sort of bizarro demon that allows them only to create perfect, fizzy, euphoric poppy prog-metal? Or, alternately, are they *gasp* a Christian rock band?
Fortunately not. They are, however, a synthesis of some blue-chip musical acts: the fist-pumpin', arena-ready melodicism of Cheap Trick; the AOR prog arrangements (and sometimes-goofy synths) of Rush; the sheer joy of a Phish "Harry Hood" jam. Moreover, they're able to transcend the seemingly obligatory navel gazing of most indie acts by unabashedly going for the home run ball where most indie "rockers" are okay with a sac bunt. As such, if these guys don't have a major label deal by the next few months I will be very, very surprised.
In closing, if you dislike this Fang Island album, you dislike joy. That is all.
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2.) Beach House - Teen Dream -- Although I've liked much of Beach House's previous material, this album is the great leap forward that establishes Beach House as one of the world's finest bands. Seriously. Admittedly, there's a limited sonic palette that a band can traverse when their instrumentation consists simply of voice, guitar and piano, but there's more at play here thematically and texturally than one might originally notice at first listen. [And more importantly, what a voice it is.]
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3.) Gorillaz - Plastic Beach -- As someone with very little interest in/knowledge of all things hip hop, I would imagine that this album has pretty much all the hallmarks of a successful hip hop mixtape. You have humor ("Superfast Jellyfish" is flat-out hilarious); guest spots both arresting (Bobby Womack on "Stylo") and super cool (Lou Reed's 'luded out turn on "Some Kind of Nature"); and flawless production (everywhere, but probably most notably the synths on "Glitter Freeze" and "Empire Ants").
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4.) Marnie Stern - Marnie Stern -- On her third full-length, the femme fatale of fingertapping takes such a huge step forward that she nearly renders her previous output totally obsolete. [Not really, but check it -- this is a really good album.] The real improvements come not only in the songwriting, but also in the dynamics: would either of her previous albums have ventured into the self-assured stomp of "Her Confidence" or the rich emotional territory of the album-closing "The Things You Notice"? Prob'ly not. Of course, this is not to say that this an album of slow jams - in fact far from it - songs like "Cinco de Mayo" and "Gimme" still have the over-caffeinated freaky prog Stern's best known for.
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5.) Mogwai - Special Moves (bonus edition) -- Yes, I know that I tend to like live albums more than most folks do, but if the idea of what basically amounts to a "best-of live" outing doesn't appeal to you, then it's doubtful you're a fan of the band in question. Of course, I could have lived with a couple more tracks from '06's ridiculously underrated Mr. Beast, but then again that's my solution to everything. Bonus points because I was actually at one of the three shows (at Music Hall of Williamsburg in April '09) that supplied the material for this release.
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6.) Melvins - The Bride Screamed Murder -- Although the first two Melvins albums with Big Business' Jared and Coady were lean, mean riffin' machines, some longtime fans didn't really care for the perceived streamlining of the Melvins sound, presumably preferring some more typical Melvins "weirdness" weaved in n' out of the non-stop riffage. I am not necessarily one of those people. Personally, I thought (A) Senile Animal and Nude With Boots were the best things they'd done in the new millennium, but what do I know. Anyway, The Bride Screamed Murder has plenty to satisfy both camps. If you like experimental stuff, you've got Marine Corps-style marching chants, an impossibly sludgy cover of the Who's "My Generation," weird l'il interludes, and a lengthy sound collage at the end of the album. And if you just like it when the Melvins rock the fuck out, songs like "Electric Flower" and especially the colossal "Pig House" will peel the paint off your house.
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7.) Liquor Store - Suckin on Mommy's Dick -- No, this album does not exist, since all Liquor Store has to their name release-wise is a 7" of "Trash Sandwich" b/w "Free Pizza." But if it did exist, it would have likely beaten the everloving fuck out of most of the other namby pamby bullshit that came out this year.
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8.) Holy Fuck - Latin -- Although this album has nothing as immediately great as LP's "Lovely Allen" or "Royal Gregory" (although "Silva and Grimes" and "Stay Lit" come close), Latin's seamless flow between tracks leads the listener through an intensely hypnotic soundscape. [A plug for their live show: Holy Fuck are incredible live so get off yer ass and see them live when they come to your neck of the woods.]
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9.) The Austerity Program - Backsliders and Apostates Will Burn EP -- It's pretty rare that a band's live intensity is matched EXACTLY by its recorded output, but these guys' brutal arrangements and Albini-like recording techniques result in an album that practially reeks of blood, sweat and tears. [No, not the band.]
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10.) Swans - My Father Will Guide Me Up a Rope to the Sky -- Embarrassingly, this is my first real exposure to Swans, other than a handful of tracks heard here and there. Which is inexcusable, because this album to me sounds like a cross between Glenn Branca, Can's weightier stuff, Leonard Cohen and Harvey Milk, with some Tom Waits thrown in. Terrifying and creepy and cacophonous and very unpleasant.
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11.) Sleigh Bells - Treats -- You know what? I like eMusic's review of this album so much that I'm just going to steal it. "The hip-hop beats sputter like someone dropped a boombox in a swimming pool. The gloriously cheeseball riffage could've been dubbed off an old Van Halen cassette. It's cheerleader music for punks. It's punk music for cheerleaders." Right on.
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12.) Metallica - Live at Grimey's -- The night before showing up at Bonnaroo, Metallica recorded this l'il tidbit in the basement of a Nashville record store, with the brief setlist comprising mostly songs from Metallica's "Before We Sucked" golden period. Of course, I love a good live album as much as anyone, and I appreciate that Metallica made this available for purchase only at indie record stores, and all that happy horseshit. What I think is self-parodyingly retarded was the grassroots campaign by internet Metallifans rabidly imploring people to "support Metallica by buying this limited release!!!11!1" Yeah, you know what? It really is about time that a little underdog indie act like Metallica got some support after years of toiling in obscurity. Jackasses.
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13.) Torche - Songs for Singles EP -- Superlative Sun State sludge supastahz pick up where '08's ridiculously good Meanderthal left off on this EP that somehow manages to leave a smile on yer fat face at the same time that it's bludgeoning you over the head with super duper riffs galore. Now, if you're not used to sludgy music that has a sense of humor, fear not: watch the hilariously adorable official video for the song UFO for a quick primer on what makes Torche so great.
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14.) Kylesa - Spiral Shadow -- For all the brainless "hipster metal" crowing that this band endures, you'd think that they'd co-written these songs with Devendra and paid Sufjan to contribute melodica arrangements. Well, they didn't, and there are moments on this album that straight fucking crush, as well as some much more textural stuff, supposedly influenced by the band's newfound love of Built to Spill.
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15.) Melvins - Melvins EP -- Gotta love the "quality material-to-crap" ratio on this one. Includes three tracks. The first: 8+ minute of the Wipers "Youth of America"/AWESOME. The second: extended version of the ubercreepy "Dies Iraea" (a/k/a cover of the theme from The Shining) from Nude With Boots/AWESOME. And the third: remix of "It Tastes Better Than the Truth" from the same album/MEH. Well, you know what The Single Greatest Musical Artist In the History of Recorded Music has to say about that: .66666666666 repeating is none too shabby.
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16.) Bad Religion - 30 Years Live -- There are a few old chestnuts (think pre-All Ages) on this one, but I for one am impressed that the inventors of "melodic hardcore" managed to cobble together a decent live set like this one that so heavily features a lot of newer stuff. If you're one of those people that thinks Bad Religion has been just releasing the same album for the last 16 years, it's doubtful this will do much to sway your opinion, but if you're not an asshole you should enjoy this.
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17.) Harvey Milk - A Small Turn of Human Kindness -- For a band that's so distinctly steeped in creating artfully disturbing sludge, this album can be considered a bit of a career highlight (or lowlight). Yes, here we have huge, steaming pile of unpleasantness, completely inappropriate for anyone who spends less than half their day plotting the deaths of themselves/others.
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18.) Jonsi - Go -- If you favored the fruity felicity of the last Sigur Ros album, feel free to felch yourself with this frilly, fanciful, frolicy fudge-factory.
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19.) The Thermals - Personal Life -- The most humorless and blatantly emo album that the Thermals have ever put out is also *SURPRISE* the worst album the Thermals have ever put out. But it's still decent. It's really to the band's credit that they're able to take a group of songs which aren't among their best, which are essentially about loathing/distrusting your significant other, and make it at least somewhat listenable.
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20.) Arcade Fire - The Suburbs -- So, let me get this straight: in order to show how dreary, dull, and stifled suburban life is, Arcade Fire actually managed to write an album that is, for the most part, dreary, dull and stifled-sounding? Huh. Although this is pretty damn far from being a great album (and not even in the same species as Funeral or Neon Bible), you still have two legitimately great songs ("Sprawl II" and "Half Light II"), a few damn good ones ("We Used to Wait," "Rococo" and "Suburban War") and some near misses. While Arcade Fire's first two full-lengths used depressing topics as the springboard for some of the best music of the millennium, Win n' Regine may need to mix it up a little. Y'know, maybe write happy songs about happier stuff. Hey, I got it! Maybe Arcade Fire's next release should be written about this year's Fang Island album! Yeah! [crickets]
