Tuddd's Muddd

Pretty much sums it up

from the Titus Andronicus/Vice/Colt 45 free show (with free Colt 45!) at Glasslands last night:

FREE BEER MAKE TUDDY HAAAAAAPPY

Karl Malone is a Menace

This is hilarious... it's a website devoted to documenting all of the injuries caused by Karl Malone during his NBA career.  (Yes, he is apparently kicking Robert Horry in the balls in the above pic.)  Several of the entries are incomplete, but what's there is entertaining (and informative!).  Some of the more vindictive quotes from the site:

• Of course, Malone supports his team, too -- only he does it by hurting opponents, not just helping his teammates.
• Yes, the man is talented and an amazing athlete. But he is also a dangerous, arrogant bastard, and without the protection of the refs and the NBA he would never be an MVP, and would probably not be an all-pro.
• So that's Malone's secret of success -- win an important game by disabling the opponent's best player, and score a lot of points by injuring the defender!

I just learned how to play "Crazy Train" on the ukulele

...still working on the solo though.

Lots to love in this, but "Cher" is probably my favorite

    After I got kicked out of college, it was a couple of years before I decided to resume my studies.  When I did so, the academic record I had established was so godawful that even the shittiest schools refused to accept me before I agreed to take a full semester at a Community College just to make sure I wasn't, you know, retarded. 

    At said Community College I managed to cross paths with a diverse cross-section of people the likes of whom I hadn't come across in my largely sheltered previous attempts at academia: Strong Island meatheads; homeless people; whiny gangbanger twats; good ol' fashioned hookers. 

    In an attempt to try to kiss an influential professor's ass, I joined the Poli Sci club.  Unfortunately (but predictably) the Poli Sci club consisted of a bunch of semi-literate Bush-lovers (redundant?) and a few really, really dumb High School Democrat rah-rah types.  Naturally, a power struggle ensued and although I quickly resigned my post as Club Secretary I stuck around long enough that I received this beauty in my inbox.  I promise that I have changed none of the grammar/punctuation/etc. 

Hello all,
       I am writing you all tonight, to inform you of a proposal that
will be made at Tuesdays meeting. I feel it is imperative that you all
are informs of this now. Kate are president, will make a proposal on
Tuesday that many feel it is a shot agent me. She will propose that since
I am a member of young Dem's I can not be the chair of the By-laws
committee. she clams that it is a conflict of interest.
      Now i don't see how it is a conflict of interest, I have never in
the committee meeting tried to get people to join young Dem's or come
to the party.I feel, with others that i am the most qualified to Cher
this committee. In young Dem's am writing a constitution and was a member
of the by-laws committee in a Jewish club i was in during high school.
       So I am asking you all, to vote agents this proposal. I feel
this is not a conflict of interest, but a pathetic way of trying to get
rid of me.
        Thank you all for your time and I will see you Tuesday. If you
would like to talk to me on this issue or any other issue, please feel
free to call me [removed]  or e-mail me at [removed]

                                                                     

What the fuck...?

First off, how's my tip? is a pretty awesome name for a website.  Kinda makes it sound like someone's fishin' for a genital-related compliment.

Second, said website contains the following uber-puzzling quote:

Over the years, the "Sunday Crowd" have become an important part of the restaurant business, creating one of the best days for sales. However, these busy days are not always good for our servers. We recognize that, in general, Christian customers are seen as overly-needy, demanding, rude, and the smallest tippers.

We want to change that!  

At Central, we are trying to break the mold of how Christian's [sic] should treat those working hard to serve us. In order for us to change your perception, we need your help.

Like I said, what the fuck? 

David Lee Roth's isolated vocal track from "Runnin' with the Devil"

    This is the funniest thing I've heard in forever.  If you thought "Diamond" Dave's yelps, screams and assorted sound effects were awesome/confusing before, then sink your teeth into this.  (Courtesy WFMU's "Beware of the Blog")

    Note that at no point does he sing the words "Runnin' with the Devil."  No, such a menial task as singing the song's actual fucking chorus was left to Michael Anthony and Eddie, as Dave was clearly more preoccupied with hootin' and hollerin'.  Good shit.

GODDAMNITBABYYOUKNOWIAIN'TLYIN'TOYAI'MONLYGONNATELLYOUONETIIIIIIIIIIME!!!!!

Think about it

I remember the days when
Things were real bad for me
It was right after my accident
When I lost my hand

It seemed like I was all alone
With nobody to help me
You know, I almost gave up
All my hopes and dreams

But then, then, then something
Inside me kept telling me
Way down inside of me
Over and over again
To keep going on, yeah, on

MOULTY!

Don't turn away
(You're gonna make it, baby)
Don't turn away
(Ah, try to make it, baby)
Don't turn away

Things are better for me now
Cause I found that I love music
So I learned to play the drums
And got myself a band and now
We're starting to make it

And if you can make it
At something you love
Wow, you got it all

So I'm saying this to all of you
All of you who think you'll never make it
All of you guys and girls
Cause you think you're so bad off

Or maybe you think you're
A little different or strange
So listen to me now
Cause I've lived through it all

MOULTY!

Don't turn away
(You gotta keep on trying)
Don't turn away
(Well, don't you give up, baby)
Don't turn away

Now there's just one thing that I need
Not sympathy and I don't want no pity
But a girl, a real girl
One that really loves me

And then I'll be the complete man
So I'm gonna tell you right now, listen

Don't turn away (you gotta, baby)
Don't turn away (you gotta keep on trying)
Don't turn away, don't turn away

Re: lack of new posts: a half-assed, lame-ass excuse

    I've been hard at work (hardly working! Snort!) compiling my Year-End Best-of 2007 Album List, which I hope to have posted by sometime this coming weekend (jinx).  There will be upwards of 70 albums, all released in '07, on said list as I still haven't gotten around to listening to the new Jehu, the Hellyeah album, the new Circus Devils, Interpol's live EP, the live Daft Punk dealie and the Boris/Merzbow double live joint.   Plus I have to admit (while blushing, of course) that I'm a wee bit psyched for the Rivers Cuomo demo thingy that comes out next week. 

    So what's my number one for 2007?  If you've kept up with this lame blog at all (not likely unless your name is "Josh" or "Stu") it should be pretty easy to call.  But it's not going to be Icky Thump.  That much I can tell you.  Spoiler Alert!

One time I caught Kyle...

...eating spoonfuls of iced tea mix.