Tuddd's Muddd

The Best (and worst) Albums of 2009 (so far)

    Let's not gild the lily-- if these reviews seem bitchier than usual, it's for the simple reason that this has been an historically atrocious year for new music.  Here's hoping the next few months improve matters since there's all kinds of potentially great shit poised to drop before the year's up.  Fortunately I have a pretty significant backlog of albums I've hoarded over the last several years, and this year's shortage of good new shit has just meant I've been able to delve into the collected works of bands that y'all probably already know and love. 

    As usual, the rules for this list remain the same: this is newly-released full-lengths only, so there are no singles, reissues, or greatest hits comps on here.  And these are all albums that I personally either bought myself or paid to download (except one which shall go nameless, and the Moby record which I streamed at NPR).  So it's not like I stole this shit just so I could write snarky reviews.  Enjoy! (or don't.)

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1.) Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz -- I was absolutely in love with the noisy direction the Yeah Yeah Yeahs had taken on 2007's awesome Is Is EP, so naturally I cringed when I heard the new one would feature an entirely new stylistic twist n' turn into disco-ish territory.  To me, this foretold of a streamlining/mainstreaming of their sound, and I wasn't the hugest fan of their previous attempt at conventionality on Show Your Bones, because I kinda always felt the YYY's material is at its best with plenty of roughness around the edges.  But f all that; simply put, Blitz contains their strongest songwriting ever, framed by absolutely letter-perfect production.  From rave-ups to poppy shit to straight-up dance rock and even earnest ballads (?!) this album proves that the YYYs are good enough to be able to put gimmickry aside and churn out an album full of amazing songs.

2.) The Crocodiles - Summer of Hate -- I've had this on heavy rotation since I caught them at Union Pool last month.  The recipe is simple: snotty vocals, analog synth, blazing guitar tone, drum machine.  Imagine, say, a bratty Suicide mixed with J&MC's noisy melodicism.  No less than 3 positively stellar competitors for the title of best-song-of-the-year: the title track, "I Wanna Kill" (what a fucking triumphant chorus!!) and "Sleeping With the Lord."  [Interestingly, the singer is apparently a substitute teacher at a special ed school.  I had several similar jobs years ago so I think think is awesome.]

3.) Crippled Black Phoenix - The Resurrectionists/Night Raider -- Sprawling double-album companion piece to 2007's pretty good A Love of Shared Disasters, this surpasses Disasters in every way that matters.  Several distinct styles are explored, from galloping, Floydish numbers ("Rise Up and Fight") to more traditional post-rock ("Burnt Reynolds") to folk (um, lots of 'em), with cleverly varied instrumentation.  The real improvement is in the haunting melodies, which creep their way into your mind -- have fun trying to get the accordion riff from "200 Tons of Bad Luck" out of your head.  Is there a significant amount of filler?  Yes, and some of the songs seem to take forever to get where they're going (the payoff is worth it more often than not, however).  Although the pervasive mood can be characterized as "morose" or "downcast," there's more than enough light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel hopefulness to transcend mere mopiness.  Yes, this album is uplifting enough to beat the misery of an hour on the 4 train.  Several days a week. 

4.) The Dead Weather - Horehound -- Man, I hated the first single ("Hang You From the Heavens") when I first heard it, but consider me totally 180'd on that one... as it turns out it's actually one of the year's finest songs thus far.  In many ways, this album is the exact sum of it's parts: there's a definite old-school Kills sound on most of the songs, some bluesy crunch courtesy QOTSA, plenty of the White Stripes' minimalism and quiet/loud dynamic, as well as some vintage Raconteurs-style blandness.  Probably Alison Mosshart's most soulful vocals ever, too, which says quite a bit.

5.) Goes Cube - Another Day Has Passed -- I've liked every one of these guys' self-released EPs, but this one is the first that actually approaches the furious intensity of Goes Cube's thrash-tastic live show.  Highly fucking recommended. 

6.) The Thermals - Now We Can See -- No, this doesn't come anywhere close to matching '06's landmark The Body, The Blood, The Machine, but if you pick this one apart (say, like an orange) there's still several good songs for all your mix-tapin' needs.  The rave-ups and more solemn songs are fine, but at times the sappiest of this bunch manage to plumb the sickeningly sweet depths of '02's smarmy-as-all-get-out Hutch and Kathy project.  Just skip those ones, though.

7.) Children - Hard Times Hanging at the End of the World -- Rockin', technically precise thrash that's fun as hell.  The video for their lead single shows that these guys have a sense of humor to match their formidable chops.  Great, great listen.

8.) Kylesa - Static Tensions -- 3 bona fide sludge classics on here ("Scapegoat," "Unknown Awareness," "To Walk Alone") framed by some lesser-but-still-pretty-darn-good stoner jams. 

9.) Heartless Bastards - The Mountain -- The bluegrassy shit is terribly boring but the 3-chord grunge jams are emotive, soulful and rockin'.  Employ your skip button judiciously.

10.) Dead Mellotron - Ghost Light Constellation EP -- How rare is it that a random band you've never heard of friends you on MySpace and it turns out their music is actually really good?  Several lo-fi, hazy, shoegazy gems on this one, and you can download it for free here.

11.) Dan Deacon - Bromst -- Easily Dan Deacon's best songwriting ever, and the first thing I've heard by him that displays any real heart to speak of.  But fans of his spazzier stuff can rejoice: plenty of wackiness (notably the goofy sound effects and pitch-shifted vocals) remains.

12.) Hull - Sole Lord -- Let me start by saying that 2007's Viking Funeral is one of the most aggressive, arresting metal epics I've ever heard, and for anyone who's had the pleasure of seeing Hull perform it live, you have to think "man, they're going to have to tone down the next thing they do a coupl'a notches if they're going avoid burning themselves out."  That being said, I was a little disappointed with this album's subdued, at times even new-agey feel.  Don't get me wrong, there are still several great bonecrushing moments on this record, but nothing here matches Viking Funeral's singular awesomeness.

13.) Death - ...For the Whole World to See -- A few people have hailed this as an "unearthed classic" or whatever which isn't exactly the case -- the material's good overall, but not great.  Although there are only two truly great songs here ("Keep on Knocking," "Politicians in My Eyes,"), understanding the context in which it was written, recorded, and ultimately forgotten for a quarter century is pretty neat. 

14.) Big Business - Mind the Drift -- The bass should be louder, the vocals should be turned down, and the guitar parts should just be fucking erased.  Seriously, with Big Business, the sludgier the better, and here the head-scratchingly awful production choices almost -- almost, mind you -- ruin it.  "The Drift" is one of the year's best songs, though.

15.) These Arms Are Snakes - Tail Swallower and Dove -- Several killer, bone-crushing grooves on this one ("Ethric Double," for one, is undeniably great), although at times it degenerates into what comes across as mathed-up emo. 

(EDIT: it turns out this album actually came out in 2008, so don't be all "where'd the These Arms Are Snakes album go on your year end list?!")

16.) Black Math Horseman - Wylt -- Typically serviceable stoner metal.  Yes, it's plodding and monotonous, but either way, it's still better than that Black Mountain "light bright light bright light bright" horsecrap. 

17.) Dinosaur Jr. - Farm -- I had really high hopes for this one after the awesomeness of 2007's triumphant comeback Beyond, but the second half of this record really drags.  On the positive tip, they did drastically improve the mix in comparison to Beyond: rather than placing the vocals front and center, the grunginess and fuzz really suit these guys.  (Think You're Living All Over Me.)  Also, I should mention that Farm does not lack for stellar guitar solos, if you're into that sort of thing.

18.) Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown -- At nearly 70 minutes this bad boy is overstuffed to the point of being comically bloated.  Tough to get through in one sitting, although there are some decent tunes on here (I'm partial to the title track).

19.) LiveFastDie - Bandana Thrash Record -- Potty-mouthed gutterpunk by these drunken louts who (presumably) named their band after one of GG Allin's tats (peep his left tit).  Very fun at times, but sometimes too retarded for their own good.  Plus, "Fat Guy with an iPod" hits a bit too close to home *SNIFFLE*

20.) Dex Romweber Duo - Ruins of Berlin -- Somewhat of a disappointment after seeing their garage-filthy live show.  Some tepid guest spots (Cat Power, Neko Case) take the music in the wrong direction: in a sane world this would be presented as distorted, raucous fare, not mild-mannered imitation bar-band averageness.  Dex's amazing voice (part Roy Orbison, part Jerry Lee Lewis) saves this one.

21.) Stinking Lizaveta - Sacrifice and Bliss -- Dexterous, proggy licks crammed together, kind of in the vein of a more stoned Fucking Champs (if the Champs had an electric stand-up bassist). 

22.) Deerhunter - Rainwater Cassette Exchange EP -- I'm used to Bradford Cox putting out tossed-off sounding stuff under the Atlas Sound moniker and saving the good shit for Deerhunter records, but this one pretty much splits the difference there. 

23.) Mono - Hymn to the Immortal Wind -- Not bad, but I can't understand why you'd bother with this when there's so much other great post-rockish stuff out there.  Yes, the instrumentation sounds painstakingly orchestrated, but the music just isn't great enough to warrant the feeling of timelessness that they're clearly shooting for.

24.) Franz Ferdinand - Tonight! Franz Ferdinand -- Pointless beyond the first single, "Ulysses," which was actually quite good.

25.) Los Straitjackets - The Further Adventures of Los Straitjackets -- Might as well have just named this one Etc. because while it's in the same vein of their previous output, it's nowhere near as good as much of it.  Remember - while these guys are probably best known for their "Wipe Out!" soundalikes and film/TV theme covers, it's on their more original-sounding compositions ("University Blvd.," "Pacifica," "Casbah," "State Fair," etc.) that they've really earned their mettle up till now.  Alas, this is record is mostly uninspired rehashes. 

26.) Moby - Wait for Me -- Good background music; nothing more, nothing less. 

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NOTE-- albums below here are all interchangeably crappy, so I didn't bother numbering them.  Why bother writing reviews for them then, you may ask?  Three simple reasons: 1.) I don't have a real job; 2.) I'm bitter about having spent money on them; and perhaps most importantly, 3.) I'm fresh out of pork rinds so I'm going to need something to occupy my hands for the next hour or so.  Happy?

- Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavillion -- I doubt I'll ever "get" these guys mainly because I'm a fan of memorable melodies.  You will find none of those on this album.

- Art Brut - Art Brut vs. Satan -- Loved the first album just like everyone else, but it's time to send this one-trick pony to the glue factory already.  Not even production by Frank Black can save this one from being wholly inessential.

- Boston Spaceships - Planets are Blasted -- The "Pay Bob's Mortgage You Sucker" campaign fumbles onward with this, yet another horrible album.  And still, like a total fucking moron, I hold tight to the misguided notion that at some point Bob may rediscover the brilliance that made me such an eager devotee for several years.  Y'know what?  Fuck "brilliance."  At this point I'd settle for Fiction Man II or some such.  [Note: yes, I did preorder Bob's newest forthcoming solo record yesterday.  I hate myself.]

- Isis - Wavering Radiant -- Another band that I'm "supposed" to love because I like Tool and I enjoy all kinds of good post-metal-ish stuff, but frankly I just don't see it.  The riffs are poor-man's at best and what's worse, the sung vocals sound like Nick Hexum.  Shudder.

- Mastodon - Crack the Skye -- A major turn for the worse.  First off, if you're going to jack up your (crappy) vocals, you may want to think about writing a decent fucking melody first, no?  Second, for a band frequently cited these days as being among The Best Metal Bands in the World, whither all the great riffs?  I'll tell you exactly where: "The Czar" at about 4:00 and again in the same song at 7:40; the intro to the title track; and 8:25 or so into "The Last Baron."  Seriously, that's it.  Weak.

- Maximo Park - Quicken the Heart - Futureheads>Bloc Party>Young Knives>Arctic Monkeys>Maximo Park>Kaiser Chiefs.  Nuff said.

- NODZZZ - NODZZZ -- Useless.  For all the kids out there that think horrendous crap like Nodzzz or Wavves or Vivian Girls or The Beets perfected lo-fi, please spend some quality time with Alien Lanes and see how this shit's really supposed to be done.  Thanks!

- Pelican - Ephemeral EP -- First thing by these guys I've heard that I haven't absolutely adored.  These 3 songs suck ass.  (Full disclosure - I think City of Echoes is one of the two finest albums of the aughts.)  

- Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix - I think this is trite, and the songwriting's poor-at-best.  Discuss!

- Praxis - Profanation: Preparation for a Coming Darkness -- Unfortunately, the emphasis here is not on the band (killer B's Bill Laswell, Buckethead, Bernie Worrell and Brain)'s formidable chops, but on shuffling a new, different guest vocalist in on each and every track.  Does not for good listening make.  

- Seventh Void - Heaven Is Gone -- Long-awaited side project from the guitarist and drummer of Type O Negative.  The title track is decent, but the rest is sub-generic stoner metal crap.

- The Soft Pack - The Muslims - The Meh-slims is more like it.  T'heh!

- Wavves - Wavvves -- Manages to be both overrated and underrated at the same time.  No, this guy isn't the Antichrist, and no, he's also not the "savior of lo-fi" or whatever.  He's just some spoiled SoCal kid with an incredible publicist and no perceptible talent. 

Catchin' Up with the Blog: Some More Recent Shows I've Seen

    I lead a pretty busy life* and as such it just so happens that I don't always have time to promptly post reviews of every goddamn show I see.  And since it's raining too hard for me to consider walking around the park today, I might as well catch up on said show reviews.  (I'm still deciding whether to see Appomatox at Trash Bar tonight, and sadly it will probably come down to how crappy the weather is by then.)

*NOTE: I do not lead a busy life.

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The Young Knives at Mercury Lounge, June 9th, 2008

    I went to this show pretty much solely on the notion that "these guys sound like The Futureheads," whose debut album I absolutely adored, and whose News and Tributes was one of the worst records of '06 (save for the excellent Area EP which was appended to said album's back end).  And, yes, there is more than a passing resemblance between the two bands' respective sounds, with the main similarities being between the heavily British-accented vocals and the spiky yet muscular performance style-- this is not Franz Ferdinand trying to hi-hat the audience's mouth around their cocks, but a decidedly more workmanlike, sweaty affair.  I thought the songs were frickin' great (tried to find their recent album at Other Music today with no luck) and the between song banter was arguably the funniest I've ever seen at a show, with the only possible competitor being the patter of Art Brut's hilarious Eddie Argos.   Really highly recommended, and I would have stayed for the whole set had a couple of drunken dickholes started grabbing at me (?!) and stomping on my feet. 

    I missed Gustav Heden's set, but the other openers were pretty good as well.  At first The Magic Wands seemed to be nothing more than slavish Raveonettes/Kills impersonators, but by the end of their set they had me boppin'.  And the Postelles' blend of power pop and post-punk was nothing if not fun and tuneful: big nods to Joe Jackson/early Elvis Costello from these dudes, with plenty of danceable jangle. 
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The Breeders at Webster Hall, June 10th, 2008

    I'm not going to lie to you, I wasn't terribly psyched for this one, as the new Breeders record, Mountain Battles, isn't very good.  But there's a pretty decent stable of material for the Deal sisters to draw from for the live show (including covers of Guided by Voices' "Shocker in Gloomtown" and The Beatles' "Happiness Is a Warm Gun"), and with much of the new record's bored flatness being amped up considerably in the live setting, there's plenty to look forward to at a live Breeders show.  Of course, the crowd went craziest for "Cannonball," but there was a lot of love from the appreciative crowd for stuff from the rest of their catalog (except Title TK, which went largely ignored in the setlist).  And how can you not love an encore of that includes "Overglazed," "Drivin' on 9," and "Saints"?  Pretty cool.

    Openers The Montana Boys, fronted by a 400 pound guy on vocals/keys/occasional guitar, played fairly non-descript white-boy weirdo funk, but at least (some of) the songs were kinda danceable.
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Goes Cube at Europa, June 12th, 2008

    Last time Goes Cube played an NYC area show (two, to be more accurate) was in late March when they played a couple of welcome-home shows following their SXSW trek.  I managed to miss both of those shows due to family obligations, but this time my brother came along with.  As I've mentioned on this site several times, these guys know how to bring the heaviness like few other bands I've seen, local or otherwise, and this show was absolutely no exception.  The boys have just finished recording some newer songs, which *surprise* actually have full titles (up until now all their songs had been named "Goes Cube Song" followed by a positive integer) and several of these were debuted, and rock they did.  And although the first half of the set or so was plagued by the guitar not being quite loud enough, eventually shit got straightened out.  There seemed to be a pretty decent showing at Europa, and according to Goes Cube's MySpace page they have a couple of Brooklyn shows coming up over the next two months, so if you haven't checked these guys' blend of progressive, post-metal and punk, you are highly advised to do so at your next available opportunity. 

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I wish I owned an air conditioner.  That is all. 

Loud and Fat's Top 10 Worst 2007 moments (list #13)

    I have a friend who occasionally posts comments on this site under the aliases "loud and fat," "unklefan007" and "covered in hives."  As it turned out, in '07 the two of us spent a lot of time going to shows together (mainly Cheeseburger shows, but also a bunch of others) and getting fucked up en route to said shows.  As such, there were several instances during which this fucking kid managed to really get on my nerves.  Truth be told, "loud and fat" isn't really much of a music fan; more often than not I'm pretty sure he tagged along with me to shows just to see how much he could piss me off during the evening. 

    When I posted my "Top 10 Most Annoying People I Met at Concerts" list a few weeks ago, he was dismayed to find that he wasn't on the list.  I have to admit, although several times he had me on the verge of ripping his head clear off his torso during '07, I didn't really want to include him on the list anywhere because, knowing him, he'd just want to "top" himself in '08, and obviously that's not something that I want to be around for, let alone encourage. 

    So during a coke party at his apartment late last year he talked me into making a "Top 10 Biggest Assholes" list of which he was the sole subject, and here it is.  Enjoy it, you bastard.

The Top 10 Most Irritating Things "Loud and Fat" did in 2007

10.) Heckling the band at Deerhunter/Dan Deacon/No Age, October 17th, Bowery Ballroom  
We were at this show, which was great, and we were standing fairly close to the stage, maybe six or so people lengths back, tops.  Between songs, Bradford from Deerhunter made a few comments about how hard it is to follow up an incredible act like Dan Deacon (who had performed before Deerhunter).  Also, Bradford went on to mention "the last time [Deerhunter] were here," alluding to their show at Bowery Ballroom in July, when after the band had finished playing their set Bradford stuck around onstage alone, wasted, and basically yammered at the crowd about his family/drugs/etc. for about a half hour.  Anyway, Loud and Fat wasn't really enjoying the set too much up to that point, but, in his mind, he certainly hadn't come to the show to hear witty stage banter.  In the middle of Bradford's schpiel, he loudly/drunkenly commanded the singer to "SHUT THE FUCK UP," which the band definitely noticed.  I cringed and looked around nervously, trying my best to pretend I didn't know him.

9.) Badgering me to write this stupid list, many occasions
To be sure, my time is worth very, very little, but face it, carving biblical verses into my taint with a boxcutter would be a better use of my time than writing this retarded list.

8.) Randomly shoving some guy, Deerhunter, October 17th (same show as #10 above)
Midway through the set, I had my eyes closed and was basically rocking out to Deerhunter.  Out of the corner of my eye I see Loud and Fat shove some random kid with all his might, for god knows what reason.  Later I asked him why he did that, and he came up with an unlikely story about the kid's girlfriend shoving past him or something, which was obviously a total fabricated crock of shit.

7.) Would-be accessory to assault/burglary, at Cheeseburger, October 15th at Galapagos
We were at this Cheeseburger show and a member of the crowd had brought a fancy video camera.  Apparently, Loud and Fat coveted this camera something awful.  He immediately began blabbering about "how awesome" this guy's fucking camera was, and he wouldn't shut the fuck up about it, going on and on and on.  Eventually Loud and Fat came up with a brilliant/foolproof plan: he offered me 400 bucks to "kick that guy's ass and take his camera."  Now, L+F is aware of my financial situation: I certainly didn't need his goddamn 400 bucks, and what's more I had no desire to get kicked out of this show.  After he went on about it for like 15 minutes, I had a solution: I sarcastically suggested that sure, I'd kick the guy's ass, but I'd only do it for a grand, no less.  This got L+F fucking steamed, and he immediately began acting like I was trying to rip him off.  "Fuck that!  A thousand bucks!  I might as well just buy my own fuckin' camera!" Indeed.

6.) Mr. Busybody Promotional Dickhole, a couple of weeks ago
From day one since I first mentioned to him that I'd started this shitty blog, L+F has been way, way more concerned with the idea of me generating site traffic with it than I have.  Fuck that.  I started this thing so I could anonymously bitch about shit that pisses me off without having a bunch of assholes jump me at a show every time I write something like "Holy Hail is awful."  Anyway, a couple of weeks ago L+F took it upon himself to submit my year end best of albums list to hypemachine under the name "Tudd" so it looks like I'm trying to drum up readership for this blog and promote it, which is fucking gay.

5.) Tough guy, at Cheeseburger, September 21st at Yuppie Northsix
Cheeseburger's (awesome) set was done, and Les Savy Fav, who I was eager to check out, were up next.  L+F was already a bit drunk but he went downstairs to get more drinks.  When he finally found me about a half hour later, he had some story about some girl, and he was basically bragging to me that he threatened to kick some chick's ass.  I couldn't really tell what the fuck he was talking about for the life of me, but also I didn't really care, so I was just kind of nodding and going "uh huh, that's great, right, yeah, uh huh."  There was something about headbutting her boyfriend thrown in his story too.  Not sure which is worse: threatening to kick some random girl's ass, or triumphantly bragging about it.  [Update: I was at L+F's apartment on New Year's eve and he brought this incident up, claiming that it never happened.  Our friend BJ overheard our argument and confirmed that, in fact, L+F had actually called him to brag about it as it happened.  Confirmed!]

4.) "Cuz I'm a loud, annoying moron" in my car after the Sept. 21st Cheeseburger show
We had left the show and I was driving towards the Palace Fried Chicken joint on Manhattan.  All night L+F had been "singing" lyrics from the Cheeseburger song "Tiger," mainly repeating the "Cuz I'm a motherfuckin'... Tiiiiiger" part over and over.  It was really starting to get on my nerves.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, he started SCREAMING the lyrics as loud as he could at the top of his lungs.  I finally cracked, and threatened to beat the shit out of him and throw him out of the car while it was still moving.  I'd like to think that I'm a pretty tolerant person but I'd finally reached my limit and snapped.  L+F seemed legitimately taken aback, mentioning that he'd never heard me yell like that before and told me that "you're a scary motherfucker when you want to be."

3.) Everybody loves being shoved at Art Brut, April 17th
L+F and I bonded over our mutual love of Art Brut's debut Bang Bang Rock and Roll album.  On a trip back to our alma mater in upstate NY (well, technically his alma mater; I was expelled) in April '06, we listened to BBR+R over and over again, plotting to form a shitty British punk band.  Anyway, a month later we met up to catch Art Brut at the Knitting Factory.  L+F was totally hammered and thus began his tradition of trying to knock me off balance at shows; he'd wait just until I was enjoying myself and slam into me as hard as he could (note: I'm at least two and a half times his weight).  At the Art Brut show we saw this year at Bowery, said tradition continued: just when I'd least expect it, I'd be pogoing along to, say, "Good Weekend," and L+F would come running at me full speed, repeatedly knocking me off balance into a guy and his girlfriend to my left.  They eventually got pissed, and I eventually just decided it would be a good idea to stop dancing.  Not dancing at an Art Brut show is like not getting cocoa bread with your beef pattie -- you know, it's just like, what's the point?

2.) Spreading joy, North 6th St., September 21st
Again, this was after one of the above Cheeseburger shows.  I decided that I'd rather not stick around for the Les Savy Fav set, so I left Yuppie Northsix and began walking back to my car which was parked a few blocks further down the street.  As I crossed Bedford, I received a text: "Dont leave me."  I felt bad so I texted him to meet me where I was.  When he showed up, he suddenly had another brilliant idea: "let's shotgun some beers."  Fuck no, I was driving, and I wanted to get the hell out of there.  So I waited while he went into a bodega to grab a beer.  After he had it cut open, he managed to drink maybe a mouthful, while spilling a bunch more all over himself before proudly spiking the still nearly-full beer to the ground.  My hero!  Half a block away we came across a smallish guy sitting on his stoop, holding his cell phone, and sobbing.  Still dripping beer from his face and neck, L+F extended an olive branch to the poor fellow, offering a sarcastic "Don't worry, buddy, everything's going to be OK!" complete with absurdly demonstrative sweeping hand motion.

"Fuck you," responded the sobbing dude.

What followed was about four blocks of L+F forcing out the most demonic, hate-filled laughter, and since it was about 1 AM and the streets were empty, his piercing voice echoed off the tall buildings, the reverberations transforming N 6th St. into a swirling cauldron of auditory misery.  We passed Sobbing Guy in my car on our way towards Greenpoint, at which point L+F rolled down his window and again taunted him, letting out a fiendish guffaw. 

1.) "I May Be Loud..." at Palace Fried Chicken, same night as above
After I threatened L+F (see #4 above) I felt immediately remorseful and stupidly agreed to his idea of getting something to eat.  He loves eating at the Polish restaurants in Greenpoint, but alas it was about 1 AM and none were open (although he didn't believe me).  I settled on the Palace Fried Chicken Joint on Manhattan, and bought a three-piece with some fries.  L+F, who had been pissing on a wall down the block, stumbled in, ordering the same and sitting down across from me.  "What the fuck," he suddenly exclaimed, "where the fuck are my cheese fries!" apparently in disbelief that the PFC employee had not telepathically understood that L+F wanted "cheese on my fries, goddamn it," L+F stood up and cut to the front of the line, barking out an order for "cheese fries, ese, and make it snappy."  "Holy shit," I thought.  "He's going to get us shot!"  I turned away and sped up the pace at which I was wolfing down my meal.

After receiving his treasured plate of cheese fries, L+F proved no more proficient at consuming them as he had during his piss-poor attempt at shotgunning a beer.  Within seconds, he had cheese all over his face and a small pile of cheese fries that had missed his pie-hole was accumulating on the floor by his feet. 

A couple of averageish girls walked into the chicken joint and began pondering their order.  Without breaking stride, and totally unprovoked, L+F belched out in their direction: "I may be loud, but you're fat." (Hence his nickname.)

One girl turned innocently towards us, with a perplexed and slightly hurt expression.  Of course, I tried to pretend that L+F was talking to me, offering up a timid "yeah, you're right, I've really been packing on the pounds.  I really have to start hitting the treadmill..."

But my attempt at salvaging the situation was sabotaged by L+F, who interrupted me and, pointing a cheese-covered index finger inches from the girl's face, growled "I'm not talking to you.  I'm talking to her." 

The girl let out a half-sigh half-whimper before ordering.  She had been totally humiliated.  I plotted my escape and as I walked out I noticed that she ordered a salad and a diet soda. 

 

The Best Albums of 2007, pt. 2 (list #12)

    In case you missed the first half of this list (numbers 1-35), you can find that here. 

    NOTE: it helps to read most of these reviews -- especially the ones that are overly snarky or fawning -- in Comic Book Store Guy voice.

2007: The Year in Albums, part two

36.) Tomahawk - Untitled -- Nobody, not even the most devoted Mike Patton fan, could have seen this one coming.  Untitled is a set of traditional Native American songs, some sung seemingly faithfully, but in most others Patton and Tomahawk work in all kinds of modern flourishes: metal, hip-hop, straight-ahead rock, simple balladry.  This sounds absolutely nothing like the self-titled debut or Mit Gas.  Taking it a step further, it's pretty safe to assume that you have nothing in your record collection that resembles this.

37.) No Age - Weirdo Ripper -- A very lo-fi and exuberantly noisy collection of tracks from this West Coast garage-punk duo.  Listening to this album I feel like a dirty old man leering at young girls in the park: youth is beautiful, and listening to this album (and seeing their live show) I realize that getting old sucks.  The who-gives-a-royal-fuck production values remind me of something that was once said by Scat label head Robert Griffin about an early GbV album: "this has a refreshing 'non product' quality to it."  Indeed.

38.) Scout Niblett - This Fool Can Die Now -- This one... vexes me.  At various times throughout the course of this album, Niblett produces sounds harrowing, comforting, earpiercingly shrill, defiant and hopelessly romantic.  It's on the outstanding "Kiss," a duet with Will Oldham -- when she somehow manages to effectively combine each of these elements -- that the album works best.  There are other good tracks, to be sure, as Steve Albini's stark production occasionally even manages to evoke In Utero-era Nirvana (!), but many of the songs sound too one-dimensional and tossed off.  This Fool would have benefited from a more judicious track selection, but self-editing has never been among Niblett's strong points.

39.) Coliseum - No Salvation -- Explosively intense white hot fury from this Kentucky (I think) hardcore trio.  While plenty of doom vocalists are accused of leaning too heavily on vocals reminiscent of Cookie Monster, this guy does a fairly faithful approximation of the Tasmanian Devil -- there's such a strong amount of conviction in his delivery that I wish I had some idea what the fuck he was saying.

40.) Birds of Avalon - Bazaar Bazaar -- Throwback album with a lot of '70s rock influences shining through.  Got turned on to these guys during their live set opening for the Fucking Champs back in June and as someone who grew up on AOR, I have to say it's cool to hear an amalgam of all things '70s coming out of my on this one.  Part early Rush, part Thin Lizzy, with lots of psych thrown in, and the singer sounds almost exactly like Cheap Trick's Robin Zander.

41.) Maserati - New Inventions for the Season -- sleek, tight, restrained post-rock instrumentals -- in fact, a little too tight and restrained for my tastes.  Main complaint: fades into the background just too easily.  But any record with Gerald Fuchs, former drummer with the criminally underrated Turing Machine, as well as a song entitled "Synchronicity IV," has to be worth a few listens.

42.) Fucking Champs - VI -- gratuitous, dazzling thrash wizardry which (unfortunately) gets a bit samey after awhile.  Good, even great, taken in small doses however.

43.) Okkervil River - The Stage Names -- I feel like a dick even putting this on the list considering that it's clearly an album that requires more than the handful of listens that I've afforded it thus far(I only got it a few weeks ago).  In other words, if I were to make this list a year from now, I'd bet The Stage Names would find itself at least twenty places higher.  "Unless It's Kicks" is one of my favorite songs of the year and the closing track is especially moving when understanding the significance of the backstory.  New Year's resolution #1: put this one into heavier rotation.

44.) Pig Destroyer - Phantom Limb -- Well, I like what I've heard, but I rent a basement apartment from a family with one year-old kid.  In other words, not too many opportunities to blast this shit so loud that the rafters shake without having to deal with the possibility of coming back "home" and finding the locks changed and all my shit kicked to the curb.

45.) 3 Inches of Blood - Fire Up the Blades -- great drum sound, thanks to signing Slipknot's Joey Jordison as producer.  Decidedly heavier than Advance and Vanquish, and these guys really take advantage of the two lead-singer thing well.  But, bottom line, the guitars just simply aren't pushed forward enough in the mix for me to get too into it.

46.) Blues Control - Blues Control -- Live, these guys are able to successfully combine wanky arena rock, well-placed funky backing tracks and spacey atmospherics into a big ball of awesome.  Which is why I don't necessarily understand the seemingly universal praise this album has received -- the actual music making is too often back-burnered, hidden behind drum machines and other sound effects.

47.) Serj Tankian - Elect the Dead -- Basically this is a heavily diluted System of a Down album, which is to be expected.  If nothing else, Elect the Dead proves that Daron Malakian's unique brand of itchy/crunchy riffage is just as important to System's sound as Serj's versatile, plaintive vocals -- without Malakian's innovative musical bedding, Serj is left singing over what sounds like a bunch of overproduced, boring-as-hell Linkin Park-ish backing tracks.  Even this album's crazy gypsy breakdowns (check out the middle section of "Sky is Over") seem played out, and too many choruses are just plain clunky ("Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition!  Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition!")  Also, can we once and for all dispense with the half-assed quasi political bent?  Is the vague, middlebrow philosophizing of half-baked phrases like "we are the cause of a world gone wrong" supposed to actually be provocative?

48.) Art Brut - It's a Bit Complicated -- Face it, when you make a record as brilliantly retarded as Bang Bang Rock and Roll, you're gonna find yourself painted into a corner.  Continue in the same vein as the first record's peppy, catchy sloganeering and folks will say you're stuck in a rut.  But tighten up the band, improve your chops, and make it a point to mature a bit lyrically, and, well, then you've got this record, which unfortunately just ain't all that good or memorable.  In all fairness, it's hard to tell what's more responsible for prematurely de-railing this album's ascent towards the top of any reviewer's list, though: simply succumbing to the sophomore slump, or unrealistlically high expectations.

49.) Titan - A Raining Sun of Light and Love for You and You and You -- You can probably tell what this one sounds like by just reading the title: 9+ minute proggy jams, kind of in the vein of a crunchier Yes (complete with Wakeman-esque keyboard runs).  I bought this record at Panthers' record release party back in April.  For a while there, reaching back into early/mid '06, it seemed that any time I'd see a "heavy music"-themed show in Brooklyn these guys would be somewhere on the bill as openers, and since I really liked one of their songs ("Annals of the Former World") I said what the heck and ponied up the ten bucks.  Your enjoyment of this record will depend entirely upon your patience for '70s prog.

50.) Grinderman - Grinderman -- I bet if you were to make a Venn diagram of Jim Morrison and Nick Cave fans, you'd have something that looks like this:

On the left you have the hipper Cave fans, who think Morrison's ninth grade badpoetry is played out.  In the center you have the group that celebrates the catalog of both.  Most likely, these people also have a lot of Morrissey posters.  And on the right you have Doors fans who have never heard of Nick Cave.  Not sure what this proves, other than that I'm pretty obviously getting pretty burned out from compiling this list.  Best song: "No Pussy Blues," by a country mile.

51.) Eyvind Kang - Athlantis -- Long on the "haunting" and "terrifying," short on the "beautiful."  At least you get to have Mike Patton yell at you in Latin.

52.) Beastie Boys - The Mix-Up -- not sure why anyone would bother with this -- a collection of mostly mediocre Phish-esque instrumentals -- when the vastly superior In Sound from Way Out is still available.   Best song: "Off the Grid."

53.) Battles - Mirrored -- Man, I wanted to like this record, but count me as one of the few who just don't get it.  Odd, I know, especially since I loved "Atlas" from the moment I heard it.  Mirrored sounds to me like a slightly more glossed up version of Ian Willams' former band, Don Caballero, a band I was "supposed" to like, never actually finding any reason to go back to their stuff.  I'll save the hyperbole for the others who've gone abso-fucking-lutely goo goo ga ga over this one. 

54.) Menomena - Friend and Foe -- Doesn't grab me, except "Weird."  Meh-nomena.

55.) Down - Over the Under -- Better than Bustle but nowhere near as good as NOLA.  Uninspiring, unambitious, generic stoner fodder.

56.) Queens of the Stone Age - Era Vulgaris -- Truly one of the most disappointing records of the last several years, possibly even rivaling The Futureheads' godawful News and Tributes in the category of Jesus-Christ-who-knew-these-guys-could-put-out-a- sausage-shaped-but-lumpy-like-this-one.  And think about it: it came pretty much out of nowhere: before Era Vulgaris, QoTSA was a band that had pumped out good records with amazing consistency -- never spectacular, but always fun and listenable.  This one's neither: for the most part you get heaping portions of tuneless, dreary and uninteresting. 

57.) Hollerado - Demo in a Bag -- I caught these Canadian kids opening up for (and at least in my mind overshadowing) the Black Lips at Bowery Ballroom in September.  Unfortunately, this 3-song EP/demo doesn't capture the affable self-deprecation and energetic humor of their live set.  But I'll be looking forward to whatever these guys put out next.

58.) Shellac - Excellent Italian Greyhound --  ...And by now you know what yer getting into with Shellac: dorky witticisms, genuine oddness, caustic humor and crush-a-walnut-between-yer-buttcheeks-tight musicianship.  Extra points for the nod to The Who Sell Out ("Hold ya groove together... with RotoSound Strings!") but I can't find any reason to go back to this record.

59.) Jesu - Lifeline -- What am I missing here?  Everything I read about this had me thinking Jesu would be right up my alley, but with all the great post-rock/post-metal stuff available these days, this doesn't really measure up (let alone stand out).  Bland music and weak vocals.

60.) Puscifer - V is for Vagina -- undoubtedly the wtf record of the year.  Who knew that uber metal god Maynard Keenan had an album of slick-as-snails, creepy-yet-superboring R&B up his sleeve?  To quote Gilbert Gottfried, "not good."

61.) Hella - There's No 666 in Outer Space -- A friend who's usually good for musical recommendations suggested that I finally get into Hella, but I have the feeling I'd be more into their instrumental era, which, to my understanding, does not include the Claypool-soundalike singer on this record.  A very, very busy album, jampacked and overloaded with migraine-inducing clatter. 

62. and 63.) Robert Pollard - Coast to Coast Carpet of Love and Silverfish Trivia -- Hey kids!  Do you like rock?  Because, to paraphrase the introduction to Guided by Voices' landmark Propeller LP, "these albums do NOT rock."  To be sure, Uncle Bob used to know how to rock, but replacing "the rawk" with the "the maturity" that's infiltrated his recent recordings is not a welcome trend.  For as long as I can remember, Bob's served as one of indie rock's elder statesmen, drunkenly preaching to the converted about the importance of preserving "the rawk," but on these outings he just sounds old, like a bitter codger telling the nieces and nephews to "turn that godawful noise down" rather than making his own joyous racket in the first place.  As much as it pains me to piss on the work of an artist that's meant so much to me for so long (Blues and Boogie Shoes, Normal Happiness, From a Compound Eye and Moon were all firmly within last year's top 20), I have to wonder whether Bob's initially symbiotic relationship with producer/multi-instrumentalist Todd Tobias has finally turned the man's music to complete crap.

64.) The Takeovers - Bad Football -- Another underwhelming Pollard release, this time as The Takeovers with former GbV bassist Chris Slusarenko and a bevy of guests.  Last year's Turn to Red contained some of the best music of Bob's career ("Insane/Cool It" and "Be it Not for the Serpentine Rain Dodger" rank up there with anything, GbV or otherwise, from the past decade-plus) but Bad Football is dull and mediocre.

65.) The White Stripes - Icky Thump -- Not wasting another minute on this band.

66.) M.I.A. - Kala -- Don't believe the hype!  How is this any different than, say, a new Spice Girls joint?  If you actually like this album, you probably think "kewl mizzpellingz" are, well, "kewl," and you've probably spent too much money on sunglasses in the last year.

67.) Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero -- If you were eagerly anticipating Trent Reznor's first foray into "politically charged" songwriting, well, may I invite you to sink your teeth into this shitburger.  Yup, this is what Trent's unmitigated hatred of a certain Dubya sounds like: uninspired sludge married to unbearable lyrics.   
 
68.) Robert Pollard - Standard Gargoyle Decisions -- If you can spot a single decent hook on this record, please let me know where.  FUCK!

69.) Marnie Stern - In Advance of the Broken Arm -- Sorry, not sold on this one.  Someone told me this sounded like Lightning Bolt (who I like) meets Deerhoof (who are terrible), but to me it's more of a Hella meets Deerhoof type deal.  Plus, the vocals are really really super grating.

70.) Oneida - Seeds of Contemplation -- On this retrospective (of sorts), the listener is treated to lots of wacky genre hopping, with heaping portions of electronic, krautrock, garage, etc.  Some genuinely intriguing ideas and a nice, crunchy synth sound, even if there are few (if any) truly good songs here. 

71.) Rush - Snakes and Arrows -- I know, I know, what did I expect.  But as a card-carrying member of the High School Pariah Alumnus Club (there are no meetings, because we've all finally realized that we prefer being alone), Rush's lyrics really spoke to me during the early to mid-90s, and the technical wizardry so eagerly displayed by Geddy, Alex and Neil served as a measuring stick of chops against which other bands could rarely match up.  At this point however, Rush can be expected to pinch off another album-length turd every couple years just so they can have an excuse to fire up the umpteenthousandth Greatest Hits tour -- tuned down a couple of steps, of course, allowing Geddy to pretend he can still hit the high notes.  Their worst album, ever.

72.) The Nightwatchman - One Man Revolution -- Really, what's more inessential: Rush's ten billionth studio album, or this, Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello's collection of acoustic protest songs?  Having Brendan O'Brien produce this is like using a jackhammer to build a gingerbread house: O'Brien likely spent untold dumpsters full of cash trying to make this record sound like it was recorded on a boombox instead of, you know, just recording it on a boombox in the first place. 

73.) Bloc Party - A Weekend in the City -- it's pretty rare that terrible lyrics can render an otherwise moderately hook-laden record completely unlistenable, but oy vey, these are some bad, bad lyrics.  Like a petulant, spoiled teenager who has just put down the baseball cards and picked up vague activism ("yeah! Save the Vote! Rock the Whales!") under the guise of appearing "responsible," or "independent," this album is highly bitchslappable.  Even includes the obligatory "let's scare mommy and daddy that I might be gay" track.  If this album were a TV character, it would be AJ from the Sopranos a few years ago, berating family members for "not caring" about hybrid automobile technology, and then moments later asking his comatose father for a gas guzzler after all the hypocritical bluster.

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    *Whew* glad that's finally over.  70+ albums and hundreds of scatalogical references later, I can finally start digging into the huge pile of CDs that I haven't listened to yet that sits on the lower shelves of my wall unit.  There were several new albums that I regret not having heard in '07, among them:

John Fogerty
Black Moth Superwhatever
Holy Fuck
Blonde Redhead
St. Vincent
Kinski
Mono
Dan Deacon
Hellyeah
Circus Devils
Method of Defiance

Thanks in particular to go eMusic, the now-defunct North Shore Sound (R.I.P.) and my associates "Jake" and "loud and fat" for actually taking the time to read (and comment on) this blog.  As for me, I'm'a smoke a bowl and go lay down.  Tuddd out. 

 

More 2007 Albums: Best to Worst (list #8)

    Back in April I assembled a list of the new (i.e. released in 2007) albums I'd heard so far this year.  Since then I've heard several more records (most of which are at least a little bit disappointing), so here they are from worst to best.  Again, this does not include the albums I had already listed in the previous list, but only the ones I've heard since making that list.  Got it?  If you're curious where these albums fall in relation to the ones on the first list, well, you'll just have to wait for my year-ender, which will have more substantial/convoluted/bitter reviews of each album, just like last year's.  Oh, and here's a new wrinkle: "must buys" have the artist/album title written in bold just so you can tell that these albums, in particular, mean business.  The envelope, please....

More 2007 Albums, Worst to Best (list #8)

13.) Blues Control - Blues Control -- I hate beating up on virtual unknowns, so I won't here, but suffice it to say this album has practically nothing in common with their live show (which I loved). 

12.) Hella - There's No 666 in Outer Space -- Recommended to me by a friend who digs Hella.  Too busy, and the vocals sound like Les Claypool. 

11.) Rush - Snakes and Arrows -- Honestly, not a terrible album, just terribly inessential. 

10.) The Takeovers - Bad Football -- The first Takeovers record was super uneven, with a couple of amazing tracks and a ton of unlistenable throwaways.  Well, this one splits the difference: a full album of mediocrity.

9.) Battles - Mirrored -- Loved the live show, and the video for "Atlas" is fantastic, but nothing else has really grabbed me (yet). 

8.) Titan - A Raining Sun of Light and Love for You and You and You -- yup, you can probably tell what this one sounds like by the title alone.  Multi-part psych/prog suites with lengthy instrumental passages.  Again (a common theme on this list), I prefer Titan's live show, but a good record nonetheless.

7.) Fucking Champs - VI -- Impressive display of chops, but gets a bit monotonous.  Best taken in small amounts or (here I go again) seen live.

6.) Queens of the Stone Age - Era Vulgaris -- Super disappointing, and easily their worst ever record.  Is "Sick Sick Sick" the most tuneless single ever released by any band? 

5.) White Stripes - Icky Thump -- Well, at least it's better than the corn-studded turd known as Get Behind Me Satan.  Still doesn't compare favorably with any of their other releases, though. 

4.) Art Brut - It's a Bit Complicated -- Egads, where are the slogans?!  Has none of the instant catchiness of their debut, but still worth it for the clever lyrics.

3.) Beastie Boys - The Mix-Up -- In the same vein as The In Sound from Way Out, but not as good.  Sounds like Phish to me. 

2.) Pelican - City of Echoes -- I know, I know, shorter songs than we're used to from Pelican, but the important characteristics -- pounding riffs, great guitar work, unspeakably awful drumming -- remain.

1.) Dinosaur Jr. - Beyond -- Holy fuck, these guys roared right back into the thick of things.  A legitimate candidate for "Album of the Year" and their best album since You're Living All Over Me.  Yes, it's better than Bug. 

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STILL TO COME IN 2007

Guided by Voices - Live from Austin City Limits
Robert Pollard - Crickets
Robert Pollard - Standard Gargoyle Decisions
Robert Pollard - Coast to Coast Carpet of Love
Robert Pollard - Happy Jack 7" B-sides CD
Interpol - Our Love to Admire
Circus Devils - Sgt. Disco
Boris with Michio Kurihawa - Rainbow
Bad Religion - New Maps of Hell
Two Gallants - The Scenery of Farewell EP
Two Gallants - (another album due out in the fall)
Shellac - Excellent Italian Greyhound
3 Inches of Blood - Fire Up the Blades
Nightwatchman - One Man Revolution
Red Fang - tour CDr
Birds of Avalon - Bazaar, Bazaar
Los Straitjackets - Rock in Espanol
Hull - Viking Funeral
Marnie Stern - In Advance of the Broken Arm
Grinderman - s/t
Maserati - Inventions for the New Season
new Russian Circles?
new Doug Gillard?